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While laying in an empty bathtub in a Motel 6 in Vermont, Mike takes a handful of OxyContin and waits for the heart palpitations to kill him. As he starts to fade he reads a text on his phone, “Son, I love you and I need to know that you’re OK.” Struggling to understand why anyone would care about him because of his years of drug abuse, he responds, “Mom, no one can help me.” Then, in a moment of clarity, he decides he wants there to be a tomorrow and to be a part of his family again. He makes the call for help to his mother; the call that saves his life.
S.O.B.E.R.*, an acronym for "Son Of a Bitch Everything’s Real" describes the moment Anita Devlin and her son Mike realize that denying his addiction to pain pills is destroying him. It is the defining moment when they commit to the courageous fight to get their lives back. This is when their family’s road to recovery begins. S.O.B.E.R.* offers a rare glimpse at the daily, all consuming relationship between family and addiction, told simultaneously from a mother’s view and an addict’s perspective.
Everyone thinks Mike has it all because he is a star varsity lacrosse player, does well in school and is popular with the girls. However, Mike feels completely alone on the inside. When sports related surgeries introduce him to the world of pain pills, he uses them to mask his insecurities and spirals downward. Once in treatment, he learns that drugs are the least of his problems. The real problem is his mind. The drugs aren’t making his demons disappear, they are only masking them and burying them down deeper. Mike is confident that he can be sober but he is not convinced that he can be sober and happy.
Anita thinks that being a mother gives her the right to negotiate with God for her child. She sits in church and pleads, “God, I don’t care what happens to me, please just take care of my son.” She lets go of everything that makes her strong until she has nothing to hold on to but fear. She is afraid of what will happen if she focuses on anything but her son. This is an addiction itself. Anita becomes sick physically and spiritually. She is ashamed that she is afraid of what people will think instead of helping her only son, and she is faced with yet another hurdle… a confrontation with the truth that she herself needs to get healthy and learn to let go.
We are allowed a glimpse into the family’s recovery through powerful “cost” letters including one from Mike’s sister and from the innocent voice of the family dog.
Despite an avalanche of life’s misfortunes, nothing else matters as long as they don’t lose Mike. Anita, her husband Michael and their daughter Alex join forces with the Caron Treatment Center where “the patient is the family, and the family is the patient.” “Addiction is an octopus” says Anita, “Whose tentacles wrap tightly around us all choking the life out of everyone in its way. The whole family needs to recover together.”
- Sales Rank: #527907 in Books
- Published on: 2015-01-14
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .56" w x 5.00" l, .54 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 246 pages
Review
“It’s no secret that addiction affects the whole family. But usually in memoirs you only hear one side – until now. Anita Devlin and her son Mike join their voices beautifully to tell the story of Mike’s addiction and the whole family’s journey into recovery. S.O.B.E.R.* - an acronym for “Son Of a B**** Everything’s Real” – details the family’s struggle and ultimate triumph over addiction. The book alternates between Mike telling his story – the star athlete turned addict who felt he had nothing more to live for – and Anita sharing hers – of sitting in church and negotiating with God for her son’s recovery, or scrambling to hide the family’s secret. The two narratives come together to provide a rare and honest glimpse in to addiction’s effect on the entire family.” Kelly Burch Renew Magazine
I connected with Anita from the minute I started reading. There is nothing like the strength and determination a mother has once she realizes that her son could die from her denial. Anita put words and a voice to what so many moms feel and think when realizing the truth about the disease that has infiltrated their families. What may be scarier than realizing that our child has an illness that can kill him, is not knowing what to do, where to go, who to ask for help. The good news is, we are not alone. As Anita points out, keeping the secret of addiction does not help anyone, and in fact can make us all sicker. The first step is admitting we do not have the answers and begin to reach out to others. There is no reason to hide, be ashamed or keep the secret or try to figure this out ourselves. Reading S.O.B.E.R.* gives everyone in the family a voice and hope.
Lauren Springer
Family Liaison
Turning Point, New Haven, Ct
and mother of Greg, a bright beautiful young man struck with this illness and still suffering.
Never before has the healing power of a mother's love been revealed with such brutal honesty. This book is not for the faint of heart but rather for those who believe in the depths of their hearts, that love, courage and trust can set aside the devastation caused at the hands of addictions and reunite families in the grace of recovery.
Paul Hokemeyer, JD, PhD.
Addictions & Family Therapist: Los Angeles, New York City, London and Telluride, CO
This is one of the most honest and powerful accounts of an American family's struggle with addiction.
SOBER is the dramatic true story of how the disease of addiction does not discriminate and can shatter the safety and illusions of any privileged American family, and almost destroy them. SOBER chronicles two contrasting narratives of the harrowing scenarios playing out on the same time line for a young addict, Mike and his mother, Anita. Anita and Mike don't hold back, each generous in exposing parts of themselves--not always pretty. Too often our media focus on the salacious and devastating details of addiction with stories punctuated by only heartbreak, defeat and death. As the reader travels along with Mike and Anita and the family dog on their path from active addiction towards forgiveness and recovery we are reminded that with love there is always hope for recovery.
Melissa Crouse
Business Development Officer
Origins Behavioral HealthCare
Review
“A compelling book that gets at the raw and painful heart of family addiction and the hope of individual and family recovery.” David Rotenberg, Executive VP of treatment Caron Treatment Centers Recovery For Life
Review
“S.O.B.E.R.* tells a powerful story about the bond between a mother and child and the courage Anita found to turn her anger at the devastation addiction was taking on her son, Michael, and turn it to love as she reached out in desperation to save his life. With a loving family by his side willing to help him find a new path to release his inner turmoil Michael was ready to get the treatment he needed to get healthy and work on his recovery, one day at a time.” Cheryl Bartlett, RN Former Massachusetts Commissioner of Public Health
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
A Lesson About Fear
By marilyn boutwell
This is not a feel-good, preachy, sentimental story. This an inspired story of real people facing real fears. These honest voices are
raw and compelling, and impossible not to hear. Not once do they tell us what to think or feel. They invite us into their struggles and we go willingly. because we know we will also learn about ourselves. As Mike says, "Whether we are drug addicts, alcoholics, or even neither, we all have a mind that can take us to the darkest places of this universe. We do not need to be afraid to admit these things. It does not make us weak...After all we are all only human." Marilyn Boutwell, Adj. Prof. of English and Advisor & Coordinator of Graduate Programs in English, LIU Brooklyn
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
S. O. B. E. R IS ...
By Johanne
S.O.B.E.R IS A POWERFUL BOOK.
I have never read a book written by two different perspectives and to me this is ground breaking. While reading their journey it made me think of my life and how we all have those dark moments. It does not just have to be about addiction, but can be feeling lost, alone, defeated or any struggle we may be facing. One person's struggle within a family has an effect on each family member in a different way which we all seem to forget. Thank you to this family for sharing the honesty, anger, pain and hope of their journey.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
and most importantly the love of family
By Christopher
This a book that everyone who has ever struggled with or loves someone that struggles with addiction. Hope and inspiration screams from the pages of this story. It is a heartfelt honest insiders look at addictiction, the pain it causes, the true raw emotions, and most importantly the love of family, forgiveness, recovery and hope. Thank you Anita for opening your heart, to me and truly giving me hope.
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