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Help your clients achieve exactly what they want when it comes to emotional eating …
you can eat to cope
you can learn to use food on occasion to feel better
you can feel in control (and have a treat)
you don’t have to feel bad or guilty about emotional eating
you don’t need to completely eliminate emotional eating to be healthy

In his new book, Mindful Emotional Eating, psychologist Pavel Somov has given a “cultural permission” to eat emotionally -- with mindfulness-based tools to do so in moderation and without self-judgment and self-loathing. Somov proposes that emotional eating is a legitimate form of self-care and teaches clients and clinicians how to “leverage more coping per calorie.” Numerous original exercises and meditative techniques will guide a more conscious alliance with food during moments of emotional distress.

• Sales Rank: #611240 in Books
• Published on: 2015-01-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x .41" w x 6.00" l, .55 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 170 pages

Review
"Don't be fooled by the seeming contradiction in the title of Mindful Emotional Eating. The book makes the case to troubled eaters and their treaters that if we re going to turn to food when we re stressed or distressed, we best do it not with guilt, shame, self-hatred, or detachment from our bodies and their cravings, but with a keen mindfulness that will satisfy our appetites and foster emotional well-being." --Karen R. Koenig, LCSW, M.Ed., psychotherapist, eating coach, and author of Outsmarting Overeating.

"This wonderfully creative book teaches us that we don't need willpower to overcome our unruly eating habits, but mindfulness skill power. It shows that freedom doesn't come from stopping emotional eating, but when we learn how to eat emotionally in moderation, more effectively and without self-judgement or self-loafing. Pavel Somov has put together a fun mindfulness toolbox for not only healthcare professionals, but anyone who struggles with emotional eating." --Alexa Frey, Co-Founder, The Mindfulness Project, London

Pavel's Mindful Emotional Eating is a gem of a toolkit that will be invaluable both to individuals seeking a mindful eating self-help option and to practitioners looking to infuse more mindfulness into their work..." --foreword by Linda Craighead, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology & Director of Clinical training, Emory University, author of The Appetite Awareness Workbook.

"Dr. Pavel Somov's newest book, Mindful Emotional Eating, offers individuals struggling with eating concerns a revolutionary guidebook for developing a satisfying, enjoyable relationship to food. The book challenges prevailing notions by de-pathologizing emotional eating and affirms that emotional eating is one among many ways that we can care for ourselves. His humanistic harm reduction approach helps people shift from demonizing emotional eating to affirming that we all eat for emotional reasons. The positive change we seek is from mindless to mindful moderate emotional eating. His mindful emotional eating (MEE) process is the antidote to the shame, blame, self-attacks and rebellious over-eating that characterize mindless emotional eating. MEE empathizes with people s need to self-soothe and empowers people to choose how they want to do it. His Jumpstart is filled with inspiring ideas and practical strategies for developing moderate emotional eating. Ultimately this book helps us become aware, self-compassionate and empowered with the confidence and skills to choose how to best care for ourselves in each moment. Quite a lot to get from one small book! I highly recommend it to practitioners and people with eating concerns." --Andrew Tatarsky, PhD, leading expert in Integrative Harm Reduction Psychotherapy

"Pavel G. Somov provides an ingenious, non-judgmental, mindful approach to emotional eating (this includes ALL eating) that is based on skillpower, not willpower. In this guide for clinicians, he gives specific step-by-step instructions for how to eat mindfully that fully empowers clients to feel good about eating and changes the paradigm from deprivation and guilt to self-acceptance and self-control. He breaks down this process into tasks, language, narratives and homework to use in each clinical session with clients. This book gives you everything you need to help clients change their mindset about eating and to apply effective mindfulness skills to the realm of cravings, over eating, binge eating, nighttime eating, weight management and eating driven by specific emotions. This might be the last book on helping with emotional eating that you need to buy." ----Debra Burdick, LCSWR, BCN, #1 best-selling author of Mindfulness Skills Workbook for Clinicians and Clients and Mindfulness Skills for Kids & Teens

"Let s be honest. We all eat with emotions involved in the process. We eat for survival, for comfort, for energy, for relief and for pleasure and all those motivations include an emotional component. The path to health is not to deny the role of emotion in eating. Rather, the task is to make intentional decisions about our eating patterns. In this accessible and compassionate book, Pavel Somov shows you path to breaking unhealthy eating patterns. He offers clear insights, skills and practices you need to be a more mindful eater. By following his guidance, you will not only make eating decisions that better support your health; you will also feel better about yourself and your relationship to food. As an added bonus, you will develop mindfulness skills that will be so helpful in many other areas of your life." ----Terry Fralich, LCPC, JD, author of Cultivating Lasting Happiness, 2nd Edition and The Five Core Skills of Mindfulness

"Mindful Emotional Eating, Pavel Somov's latest book, is a lovely combination of self compassion and behavioral strategies to help people with the cycle of shame and further emotional eating when food is used as a coping skill. He normalizes our use of food to self soothe, and gives us step by step instructions on how to calm our minds and bodies before, and during eating so that we can make more mindful, intentional choices. I will recommend this book to my weight loss clients."
- Ellen Resnick, Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at UCSF, Psychotherapist and Director at Center for Thoughtful Weight Loss.

“Let me be crystal clear: The goal of this program is nothing less than to learn to leverage more coping per calorie, to help you and/or your clients to learn to become effective, mindful emotional eaters, and to finally re-integrate emotional eating back into our inevitably emotional lives – with unconditional self-acceptance instead of that toxic heartburn of shame and guilt that has been eating at us for years whenever we would turn to food for some self-directed TLC.”

Who can't fall in love with the book already! As a registered dietitian, I agree that the world need less of the “toxic heartburn of shame and guilt...” Somov continues to offer the reader a very compassionate voice that mindful eating can be an effective tool to use when eating to cope. Dr. Somov explains what I think most emotional eaters have known forever - that emotional eating is just another way of coping.

As I read the book I found myself chuckling as I tried some of his suggestions, like a tongue lock or 10 relaxation combos or “mmmm” before I took a bite. Sure, I looked silly but I found my curiosity piqued - would this work? How? Why? And once the question was out of my brain, sure enough Dr. Somov explained why it worked using research and clinical experience.

Yet many of my clients need some “Rules” to follow. To them, the whole idea of mindful eating feels a little bit too “woo-woo”. If a lack of structure is a concern for you don’t worry, there are ten MEE Rules of Engagement to follow. Number 10 stood out for me, “After eating to cope, regardless of the quantitative or qualitative outcome, accept emotional eating as a legitimate coping choice, not as a coping failure and congratulate yourself on yet another courageously attempted precedent of harm reduction self-care. “ What a wonderful counter to the many critical voices that have gathered from the endless restrictive food fads and body shaming programs as The Biggest Loser.

I am however, guilty of binge-reading Mindful Emotional Eating, Mindfulness Skills to Control Cravings, Eat in Moderation and Optimize Coping and like an empty bag of chips, I was disappointed that I had reached the final chapter. I confess there are simply too many ideas and suggestions for self-compassion for me to digest in one reading. I would encourage any reader to grab a highlighter and a few post-it notes to flag the ideas and suggestions that resinate within you. This third addition to Dr. Pavel Somov’s growing list of mindful eating books is sure to be a classic for anyone seeking a more compassionate way of understanding emotional eating.

Megrette Fletcher, M.Ed., RD, CDE
Co-founder and 2013-2015 President of The Center for Mindful Eating, TCME.org and Author of Discover Mindful Eating for Kids, Co-author of Discover Mindful Eating, and Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes

About the Author
Pavel Somov, PhD, is author of 7 mindfulness-based books, including Reinventing the Meal, Eating the Moment, Present Perfect, The Lotus Effect and Anger Management Jumpstart. He is on the Advisory Board of The Mindfulness Project (London, UK) and he regularly blogs and writes for PsychCentral. Dr. Somov lives, works, and meditates in Pittsburgh, PA.

Most helpful customer reviews

4 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in finding ...
By Theresa G.
Pavel Somov's book, Mindful Emotional Eating, is a refreshing way to look at ... eating! Pavel correctly (and without judgement) identifies how all eating is an emotional response regardless if we eat because we are hungry; in celebration; to soothe our jangles nerves; or simply to ease hurt feelings. Mindful Emotional Eating strips away damaging labels such as 'good' and 'bad' eating and, instead, addresses the benefits of MINDFUL eating which, in turn, leads to a healthier mind-and-body connection.

Mindful Emotional Eating provides the reader with easy-to-follow strategies, techniques, and an over-all understanding to help us become more aware (more mindful!) of our eating. Make no mistake, this is not a book about deprivation or denial. Quite the opposite! There are no food restrictions, counting of calories, or 'wrong' foods. Instead, Pavel Somov's Mindful Emotional Eating helps you to become more aware, more mindful --- more present -- of what you are eating; what you are savoring as you are eating, and why.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in finding out more about what motivates them; for anyone who is trying to become more aware of their eating habits, incentives and triggers; and for anyone who may struggle with so-called 'good' and 'bad' eating habits.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A Breath of Fresh Air!
By A. Bross
Dr. Pavel Somov's approach to mindful emotional eating is a breath of fresh air! The diet industry has very effectively placed a wedge in between our minds and our bodies - teaching us to be reliant on their food plans and causing us to grow more and more out of touch with our own eating. The multi-billion dollar industry sets us up for inevitable failure and then capitalizes on it when we are once again told to believe another diet is the answer.
Mindful Emotional Eating is the next step in the evolution of truly healthy and connected eating. It dares to say and accept that emotional eating is a part of life, and that mindful emotional eating can be one of the tools we use in life to care for ourselves and cope with our emotions. People have been using food in this way for a long, long time - but our acceptance of this has lagged far behind. The goal no longer needs to be the elimination of emotional eating but instead the thoughtful, mindful use of this technique as but one of the many coping strategies we use in our lives.
The book doesn't stop with a theoretical shift - it provides a structured, concrete plan for helping clients/readers achieve the shift from mindless to mindful emotional eating. It takes away the shame and despair many of us feel if and when we eat other than for hunger. A wonderful resource!
Andrea L. Bross, Ph.D., Psychologist

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A realistic solution to comfort eaters
By Louise Anne Sultana
I really like this book, as it's down to earth and the author is sympathetic and realistic with those, like me, who can only relieve their emotional distress by eating. Previously all I'd come across was 'if you want to eat because you're unhappy, bored, etc' distract yourself, take a bath, phone a friend, go for a walk'. It has worked for boredom, because as long as I'm aware that I'm bored rather than hungry and don't eat out of habit, like for example when watching TV, I can talk myself out of eating. But when I'm sad no amount of distraction works, rather any attempts I make rebound on me as I end up stuffing my face as fast as possible to run away from the voice in my head that is screaming at me that I shouldn't be eating. Dr. Somov's approach is a welcome change and felt like balm on a wound. He actually tells me to use food to calm myself down and feel better. The difference is that if I manage to take this approach on board I can get more 'comfort per calorie' and soothe my emotions without overeating, something which leads to even more distress.

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** Free PDF Silence: The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise, by Thich Nhat Hanh

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The Zen master and one of the world's most beloved teachers returns with a concise, practical guide to understanding and developing our most powerful inner resource—silence—to help us find happiness, purpose, and peace.

Many people embark on a seemingly futile search for happiness, running as if there is somewhere else to get to, when the world they live in is full of wonder. To be alive is a miracle. Beauty calls to us every day, yet we rarely are in the position to listen. To hear the call of beauty and respond to it, we need silence.

Silence shows us how to find and maintain our equanimity amid the barrage of noise. Thich Nhat Hanh guides us on a path to cultivate calm even in the most chaotic places. This gift of silence doesn't require hours upon hours of silent meditation or an existing practice of any kind. Through careful breathing and mindfulness techniques he teaches us how to become truly present in the moment, to recognize the beauty surrounding us, and to find harmony. With mindfulness comes stillness—and the silence we need to come back to ourselves and discover who we are and what we truly want, the keys to happiness and well-being.

• Sales Rank: #99403 in eBooks
• Published on: 2015-01-27
• Released on: 2015-01-27
• Format: Kindle eBook

Review
“How do we practice mindfulness? As we have come to expect, Hanh’s instructions are accessible and concise: ‘You stop, you breathe, and you clear your mind.’” (Publisher's Weekly)

“In his new book, Thich Nhat Hanh offers tips on finding some internal and externalsilence so we can hear the call of beauty. We discover how to payattention, how to listen deeply, and how to be still. Silence, saysThich Nhat Hanh, is profoundly joyful and nourishing.” (Shambhala Sun)

“How do we practice mindfulness? As we have come to expect, Hanh’s instructions are accessible and concise: ‘You stop, you breathe, and you clear your mind.’” (Sam Mowe, Spirituality & Health)

“While not intended to be a reader’s first guide to Buddhism, Hanh’s newest title is a graceful contribution to contemporary Buddhist literature and one of the author’s finest works.” (Library Journal)

“A powerful piece from an insightful and gentle guide who understands how to reach a broad Western audience through social media. Thich Nhat Hahn again shows how his brilliance shines in writing by demonstrating the eloquence of simplicity.” (Booklist)

From the Back Cover

One of the world's most beloved teachers and Zen masters shares a profound, concise, and practical guide to understanding and developing our most powerful inner resource—silence—to help us find happiness, purpose, and peace.

We spend a lot of our lives searching for happiness, running from one thing to another, worrying about the past and being anxious about the future. All the while the world around us is overflowing with the wonder and contentment we seek. This beauty calls to us every day, yet we rarely are in the position to listen. If we don't have silence in ourselves, if our minds and our bodies are full of noise, we can't hear beauty's call.

In Silence, Thich Nhat Hanh guides us on a path to cultivate the calm within ourselves and experience the profound power of quiet amid our noisy everyday lives.

The gift of silence doesn't require hours upon hours of solitary meditation or an existing practice of any kind. With mindfulness comes the stillness we need to come home to ourselves and discover who we are and what we truly want.

Combining powerful stories, timeless wisdom, and simple mindfulness techniques, Thich Nhat Hanh shows us that silence is at the heart of the happiness we seek.

About the Author

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen master, poet, scholar, and peace activist who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He is the author of many bestselling books, including the classics Peace Is Every Step, Fear, and The Art of Power. Hanh lives in Plum Village, his meditation center in France, and leads retreats worldwide.

Most helpful customer reviews

45 of 45 people found the following review helpful.
Silence -- Not What You Think
By John R. Gigliotti
The latest book from Zen master, Thich Nhat Hahn, deals with the issue of silence from mindfulness. Not silence as the absence of sound. But silence as the quieting of one's mind while being mindful of the breath, walking, or silence itself. Useful exercises can be done while reading the quick, 189-page book. Come home to yourself, without the constant thinking, and be alive in this beautiful and precious present moment. Deep bows to Thich. Get well soon, sir.

30 of 30 people found the following review helpful.
I was looking for mental silence, and I found it. Your learning style will determine how much you like this.
By Joseph W Rabb
I picked this book because silence was what I was looking for and I found it in this book. It is a book on the subject of mindfulness. To skip to the point, if you have a learning style that requires structure, you can find a better book. If you have a learning style where you pick up things in bursts of activity whenever you can devote time to the subject, you will like this book.

I discovered mindfulness after watching a video on YouTube with Jon Kabat Zin hosting a session he held at Google. I picked up his book Full Catastrophe Living. It read to me like enthusiastic 8 week boot camp that you have to follow or you feel like your doing it wrong in spite of the authors best efforts to remind you that you cannot truly do it wrong. I don't see this necessary as wrong approach. I've seen there are 8 week classes out there and my suspicion this would work better as a class rather than self taught. This would be the structured approach I was referring too and as a result I recommend this book for those sorts of learners.

Ultimately I wasn't really interested in meditation. I was looking for a way to quiet my world. They are many paths to achieve the quiet I was looking for, that I'm certain. So far none had seemed to work. Never has a book had a title so appropriately for what I was looking for. So naturally I snatched it up. I found Hanh's methods to be simpler to apply than Zinn's. They didn't feel like homework assignments. There was no suggested pacing to imply that after so many weeks you have everything you need. Rather than encouraging one to set aside 30 minutes a day, as you progress through the book you eventually learn enough to practice mindfulness all day so should you chose. Hanh trying to help you shut off the Non Stop Radio in your head and 30 minutes a day doesn't help. You need a method that you can use whenever you need to shut that radio off. This felt more natural and was more useful. It was more helpful as I could practice this not only when ever I wanted, but whenever I needed.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By KrisKay
The author is Thich Nhat Hanh...enough said!

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Green language describes what is real in our lives rather than labels or judges any event, process, or person. The use of Green Language activates the prefrontal cortex and related areas in the human brain and steers the attention of the speakers and hearers into the be-here-now moment, the moment where choices for goal-direction action are made. To live Green is to live "owning," aware that I am responsible (response-able) for my own choices while fostering conditions for others to experience the same awareness. This results in one being "in-control" rather than being "control-ing". The Victim-Rescuer-Persecutor (Red Language) approach to speaking and thinking activates the amygdala in the human brain to see the world and oneself in an on-going flight-or-fight drama of right vs. wrong, good vs. bad, should vs. should not. The focus of 'VRP' thinking and speaking is to "be right" and dominate rather than to "be" and reach consensus.

• Sales Rank: #696021 in Books
• Published on: 2015-01-20
• Original language: English
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x .44" w x 6.00" l,
• Binding: Paperback
• 186 pages

Most helpful customer reviews

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Love it! This is a book to read many ...
By Carolina L.
Love it! This is a book to read many times. Green language applies to every aspect of our personal and professional lives. The author gives insight and tools to turn self defeating habits and internal dialogues into more positive situations. It is not a one time fix, but certainly puts one on the right path to building better relationships both at home and at work. I hope to see more from Mr. Tompkins in the future.

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Breaking down communication barriers
By frank a papp
Powerful book and framework for breaking down communication barriers via re thinking the impact our words have on our audience(s). A must read for anyone wanting to further their influencing and informal leadership capabilities.

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
... to use language to make your life a most excellent experience. John explains how to make your thoughts ...
By Robert Gibson
I believe this is a way to use language to make your life a most excellent experience.
John explains how to make your thoughts and language to others work for an outcome that wins over both parties.
Exclude victims and persecution from your life by adopting the techniques explained in the text.
An easy read that grows your understanding on how the brain works and how you can make each transaction with others have a happy outcome with freedom of hurt and a emphasis on honesty.Take the effort to dip your brain into understanding the shortcomings of the victim-rescuer-persecutor language model and grasp the understanding of the awesomeness of being able to use your thinking abilities to decode language into real observations, feeling, thought and wants.
This text explains how to work language and grow your internal way of thinking and using language to enable outcome you are happy about.
I believe if you teach yourself to use the talent of "decode and paraphrase" your life will be enriched and your communications with others will be awesome.

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This is the workbook and action companion to The Four Desires book; it is intended to make it easy for you to complete the process detailed in the book. • Interactively walks you through all the major touch-points of the process from The Four Desires book. • Includes all the new material being taught at live The Four Desires events since the book's release. •Features content and helpful hints to ensure that you complete the process and get the full benefits of this powerful and life-changing process. • References the exact pages from the book you need to read to complete all of the vital steps for each of the exercises. About The Four Desires: According to ancient Yogic tradition, your soul has four distinct desires: • The desire for purpose, the drive to become who you are meant to be • The desire for the means (money, security, health) to prosper in this world • The desire for pleasures like intimacy, beauty, and love • The desire for spiritual fulfillment and lasting freedom Learning to honor these four desires is the key to happiness, and to a complete and balanced life. But how can you discern what will truly satisfy your desires? How can you increase your capacity to achieve them? What if your desires seem to conflict with one another? Is it really possible to live a spiritual life while also wanting material pleasures and success? For more than three decades, master teacher Rod Stryker has taught yoga in the context of its deepest philosophy. His course, called The Four Desires, has helped thousands recognize their soul's call to greatness and to achieve their dreams. Now, in this in this wise and practical book, he has distilled those broad teachings into a roadmap for becoming the person you were meant to be.

• Sales Rank: #524319 in Books
• Published on: 2015
• Format: Unabridged
• Binding: Paperback
• 111 pages

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Amanda Sue Marquardt
Love this book

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Greg Hermann
A great adventure to knowing myself.

See all 2 customer reviews...

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What would it be like if you could stop obsessing and instead form a sustainable, healthy relationship with food? More than 70 million people worldwide suffer from eating disorders. Are you caught up in the continual loop of binge eating and dieting that feels out of control?

This book:
Explains how binge eating disorder (BED) is different from anorexia and bulimia
Discusses the health risks linked to BED
Provides a binge-eating profile
Explains the roots of your current food relationship
Helps you understand how your thoughts and self-talk can sabotage your efforts
Helps you understand how beliefs become habits - which can be changed
Reveals proven, lasting recovery and maintenance strategies
Provides food tips and general guidelines
Discusses how to deal with setbacks
Supplies resources and helpline information

This book, written by a seasoned health writer and published author who is an eating-disorder survivor, serves as a compassionate companion to help guide and support you as you travel on your journey of healing and self-discovery.

• Sales Rank: #910298 in eBooks
• Published on: 2015-01-17
• Released on: 2015-01-17
• Format: Kindle eBook

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Helpful resource
By Loves To Read
This book was very helpful for me. It was a good and easy read and I would recommend it to anyone who is suffering from an eating disorder or is trying to better understand someone in your life who has a disorder.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
An eating disorder masterpiece
By Mike
I am acquainted with this authors first book entitled "THE GREATEST DIET ON EARTH" of which is still available on Amazon and a GREAT read. She goes into great detail as to what foods that we see and eat every day that contain what minerals & vitamins and how beneficial they are to us & what foods contain these elements. This book alone must have taken much individual research to categorize all this information. I felt that the $15.95 that I originally purchased the book for of 148 pages was a real bargain for the price and helped my wife & I to make the correct decisions about what foods to purchase. Her new book about Binge Eating Disorder is another BEST Seller. What a great author that is concerned about what we consume in our bodies. Thanks Karen. ~Mike

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By adopting the ancient Buddhist practice of mindfulness meditation, we can learn to pay attention to our daily experience and become more contented and fulfilled by daily activities.

Many of us find it difficult to simply appreciate the present moment. We either dwell on the past or worry about the future, moving mindlessly from one activity to the next. When we are not being mindful, we miss out on small moments that are often incredibly valuable – be it a beautiful park that we walk through on our journey to work or the taste and texture of a delicious meal. In mindfulness meditation we pay attention to our ongoing experience whether it is pleasant – such as appreciating a beautiful sunny day; unpleasant – a disagreement with a loved one; or neutral – doing household chores. This 'Little Pocket Book' is the perfect introduction to mindfulness and is packed with easy-to-follow tips and suggestions that will allow you to incorporate simple mindful moments into your daily life.

• Sales Rank: #639849 in Books
• Published on: 2015-02-12
• Released on: 2015-02-12
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 5.75" h x .2" w x 5.75" l, .66 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 208 pages

About the Author
Anna Black began practising mindfulness as a way of managing her own stress. She has a Masters in Mindfulness-based Approaches to Health and runs an established personal practice in mindfulness and meditation (www.mindfulness-meditation-now.com). She is the author of 'Mindfulness of Work' (also published by CICO Books, 978-1-78249-169-9). The author is based in London, UK.

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Four Stars
By Amazon Customer
Loved this little book, definitely is helpful and has little exercises to try that I love!

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Wonderful
By Dubliner
This is an amazing book and exactly what anyone needs to help them to Live in the Moment every day and every minute. It is extremely simple to follow all of Anne Black's messages and live your life according to them. It certainly helped and continues to help me every day.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By P. Kurilla
Great book, highly recommend!

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Blending memoir, literary exposition, and revealing case studies, Unrequited is a powerful, surprising, and empathetic cultural and psychological exploration of one-sided romantic obsession.

The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned thirty, she fell in love with someone who didn’t return her feelings. She soon became obsessed. She followed him around, called him compulsively, and talked about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and began to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized—someone who was taking her yearning much too far.

In Unrequited, Phillips explores the tremendous force of obsessive love in women’s lives. She argues that it needs to be understood, respected, and channeled for personal growth—yet it also has the potential to go terribly awry. Interweaving her own story with frank interviews and in-depth research in science, psychology, cultural history, and literature, Phillips describes how romantic obsession takes root, grows, and strongly influences our thoughts and behaviors.

Going beyond images of creepy, fatally attracted psychos, male fantasies of unbridled female desire, and the platitudes of self-help books, Phillips reveals a powerful, troubling, and surprisingly common phenomenon. As she illuminates this mysterious psychological experience, placing it in a rich and nuanced context, she offers compelling insights to help any woman who has experienced unrequited obsessive love and been mystified and troubled by its grip.

• Sales Rank: #259582 in eBooks
• Published on: 2015-01-27
• Released on: 2015-01-27
• Format: Kindle eBook

Review
“What happens when we can’t stop wanting someone who won’t love us back? In Unrequited, Lisa Phillips tackles the pain of desire that is left unreciprocated with empathy and wisdom.” (Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity)

“A gorgeously written, often cringe-inducing, but ultimately consoling deconstruction of the confounding power of unreciprocated passion. Unrequited made me feel both very much and much less alone.” (Julie Powell, author of Cleaving: A Story of Marriage, Meat, and Obsession)

“Ditch al the dating-advice books--with acute intelligence, warmth, and humor, Phillips has captured a preilous, powerful hidden current of romantic feeling. Lively, fun, and insightful, Unrequited should be mandatory reading for anyone interested in understanding romantic desire. I wish I had read this book when I was young!” (Melanie Thernstrom, author of The Pain Chronicles)

“An ingenious hybrid of memoir, case study, scientific inquiry and intellectual history. . . . Required reading not only for every teenage girl in America but for every boy, man and woman, whether partnered or not, because we could all use a dose of its well-researched wisdom.” (The Washington Post)

“The author offers an empathetic, below-the-surface examination of what the ‘beloved’ means to the scorned woman. . . . Compelling. . . . Compassionate and, perhaps for some readers, encouraging.” (Kirkus)

“Phillips chases down the history of unrequited love, from courtly love to online courtships in which the interested parties may never meet. . . . Unrequited lovers will learn they are not alone, and they will also acquire useful tips on ways of letting go for good.” (Booklist)

“This book illuminates one of our most ingrained emotional experiences. . . . A fluid storyteller. . . . Phillips makes a convincing case for the universality of lovesickness.” (Publishers Weekly)

“Rare is the woman who hasn’t struggled with unrequited love and wondered why it makes her feel so crazy. Deeply researched and compellingly written, Unrequited unravels the complex psychology of this obsession and offers an illuminating path back to balance and peace.” (Colette Dowling, psychotherapist and author of The Cinderella Complex)

From the Back Cover

The summer Lisa A. Phillips turned thirty, she fell in love with someone who didn’t return her feelings. She became obsessed, following him around, calling him compulsively, and talking about him endlessly. One desperate morning, after she snuck into his apartment building, he picked up a baseball bat to protect himself and threatened to dial 911. Her unrequited love had changed her from a sane, conscientious college teacher and radio reporter into someone she barely recognized—someone who had taken her yearning much too far.

In Unrequited, Phillips explores the tremendous force of obsessive love in women’s lives. She argues that it needs to be understood, respected, and channeled for personal growth—yet it also has the potential to go terribly awry. Interweaving her own story with frank interviews and in-depth research in science, psychology, cultural history, and literature, Phillips describes how romantic obsession takes root, grows, and strongly influences our thoughts and behaviors.

Going beyond images of creepy, fatally attracted psychos, male fantasies of unbridled female desire, and the platitudes of self-help books, Phillips offers compelling insights to help any woman who has experienced unrequited obsessive love and been mystified and troubled by its grip.

“An ingenious hybrid of memoir, case study, scientific inquiry, and intellectual history not only of unrequited love but of Love, full stop, with a capital L.”—Washington Post

“There is no cure for the pain of rejection, although researchers are working on it. Until then, Phillips suggests we ‘honor passion by confining and using it instead of letting it diminish us.’”—Chicago Tribune

About the Author

Lisa A. Phillips is a professor of journalism at SUNY New Paltz and the author of Public Radio: Behind the Voices. Her articles have appeared in many national publications, including the New York Times and the Boston Globe. A former radio journalist, she has contributed stories to NPR and other public radio outlets.

Most helpful customer reviews

7 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
After an endless search for solutions, this book finally ...
By book lover
After an endless search for solutions, this book finally gave the depth, insights, understandings to my own unrequited loves, and see them in such a different light, that brought me clarity, peace of mind, and finally a restored sense of self pride. Beautifully written, engaging, personal, educational, courageous. a great marriage of history, science, arts, personal stories...recommended!!!

6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Romantic Obsession Examined
By Pamela Jackson
have been reading your book "Unrequited" with a mixture of "aha" moments and gratitude that this book was written. I find it interesting
that many of the women interviewed led accomplished lives yet ended up getting trapped in a downward spiral regarding
unrequited love.

I had healthy relationships when I was younger but have been my own worse enemy in the past decade. I have gone done the road of unrequited love more than once in the last decade.

Ms Phillip's book made me realize that I am not alone and that there's light at the end of the tunnel. I wouldn't wish finding yourself in an obsessive relationship on anyone. The exit strategy is almost impossible. But I felt soothed by read this book. It made me realize I am not alone

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Well-Researched and Intensely Personal
By ace1339
Lisa A. Phillip’s "Unrequited" blends well-researched case studies with her own very personal story in this nonfiction/memoir that grapples with the power of obsessive, unrequited love. Phillips approaches this subject with both sympathy and frankness: while she empathizes with “the unwanted woman,” she never coddles; unlike many dating books, she examines the difficult nuances of both being the unwanted lover and the rejecter. She details how both male and female stalkers are treated. Most impressively, Phillips intertwines her own story with research in such a way that owns up to her actions – she accepts what she did and never tries to justify it. This book is a fascinating read for anyone interested in psychology, gender studies, or love.

See all 42 customer reviews...

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